Resilient, Responsible, and Right in the Middle: A Mother’s Day Tribute to the Sandwich Generation (Moms & Dads Caring for Aging Parents and Children)

Mother’s Day is a time to honor the givers—the nurturers, protectors, and planners who hold families together. But for many adults today, it’s also a moment of quiet reckoning. If you’re supporting aging parents and raising kids, you’re part of the “sandwich generation”—stretched thin emotionally, logistically, and financially.

This role demands incredible resilience. You’re not just balancing care—you’re also carrying the financial load for two generations while trying to protect your own future. And that’s no small task.

Feeling Sandwiched? You Aren’t Alone!

According to Pew Research, around 53% of Millennials and 29% of Gen Xers are providing care for both aging parents and growing children. This equates to roughly 59 to 68 million Americans. And, this demographic is expected to grow as life expectancies increase and more young adults require extended financial support. The dual role brings emotional strain and serious financial pressure, often forcing hard choices between supporting loved ones and securing their own future.

Having two sets of dependents (children and parents) can be burdensome financially as families are simultaneously confronted with college tuition costs for their children, mounting healthcare expenses for their parents, as well as trying to save adequately for their own retirement.

Why the Sandwich Generation Has it So Tough

Being in the Sandwich Generation means you’re meeting needs from both ends—raising children while supporting aging parents. That alone is a massive emotional and logistical lift. But it’s the hidden pressures that make this stage of life uniquely difficult.

Time is scarce. You’re juggling school runs, doctor appointments, financial planning, and maybe even managing long-term care—all while trying to sustain a career, relationships, and your own health.

Money is stretched. You may be paying for childcare, college savings, and your parents’ medical costs, while still trying to fund your own retirement. Every dollar feels like it’s doing triple duty.

The emotional load is heavy. Caregiving is often invisible, and burnout is common. You’re likely carrying guilt from all directions—feeling like you’re not doing enough for your kids, your parents, your job, or yourself.

And the future feels uncertain. With so many immediate demands, it’s hard to look ahead with clarity or confidence. But this is also why having a plan and support is so critical.

Being “in the middle” can feel isolating, but you’re not alone. Millions are navigating this complex chapter, and there are ways to find balance, protect your finances, and build a future you feel good about.

How to Regain Control as a Sandwiched Caregiver

If you’re one of the millions of Americans feeling the sandwich generation squeeze, stress is understandable. Swap the stress for peace of mind by planning ahead and considering a few different options.

Here are X tips for moms (and dads) in the sandwich generation.

1. Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

This isn’t just a cliché—it’s a survival strategy. Your financial well-being and personal health form the foundation that everIf you’re in the Sandwich Generation, chances are your default mode is putting others first. You drop everything for a sick parent. You rearrange your day for a child who needs help. You work late, skip sleep, and tell yourself you’ll take care of your own needs “later.” But later rarely comes.

This instinct – to care, to fix, to be endlessly available—is powerful. It’s driven by love, responsibility, and in many cases, guilt. And it’s reinforced by a culture that often praises self-sacrifice, especially from caregivers and parents, without acknowledging the costs.

But here’s the truth: constantly putting yourself last isn’t sustainable. In fact, it can lead to the very outcomes you’re trying to avoid.

• Financially, you may neglect your retirement savings, drain your emergency fund, or take on unsustainable debt helping others. That could mean needing help yourself later—or becoming a burden to those you’re trying to protect.
• Physically and emotionally, chronic caregiving stress can lead to burnout, anxiety, sleep issues, and even serious health conditions. It erodes your ability to keep showing up, let alone thrive.
• Relationally, when your own needs are invisible, it’s easy to grow resentful or feel unappreciated. Relationships suffer when you’re running on empty.

Putting your oxygen mask on first isn’t selfish. It’s a long-term caregiving strategy. When your finances are secure, your energy is protected, and your mind is clear, you’re better able to help others—consistently and with compassion.

It might mean saying “no” to some things. It might mean making hard financial decisions that prioritize your future. But it’s also how you model healthy boundaries, resilience, and self-worth for your children and aging parents alike.

In a world that demands everything from you, taking care of yourself is an act of strength, not indulgence. It’s the foundation that makes everything else possible.

2. Communicate Early and Often with Those You Are Sandwiched By

When you’re caught between the needs of aging parents and growing children, it’s tempting to carry the weight quietly. But silence breeds confusion, resentment, and missed opportunities for collaboration. Proactive, honest communication—with both generations—is one of the most powerful tools you have to ease the burden and set healthy expectations.

With your parents: Plan, don’t wait

Many adult children avoid financial or healthcare conversations with aging parents until a crisis forces the issue. But talking early—before illness or cognitive decline sets in—gives everyone more control and peace of mind. Focus on:

• Wills, trusts, and estate plans: Are they updated? Do all siblings understand them?
• Long-term care preferences: Where do your parents want to live if they can’t remain at home?
• Finances: Are they prepared for potential care costs? Would they consider downsizing or using home equity?

These are emotional conversations, but framing them as acts of love and future-proofing can make them easier to start.

With your kids (even the adult ones): Be transparent

It’s just as important to talk with your children, whether they’re 9 or 29. Many kids have no idea how much time, money, and energy you’re spending on others. Letting them in (at age-appropriate levels) helps build empathy, reduce entitlement, and sometimes even spark their contribution.

• Teenagers and young adults can handle honesty about what the family can and cannot afford—and why.
• Adult children may need to take more responsibility for their own financial needs or understand why you’re prioritizing retirement over, say, helping with a down payment.

Modeling thoughtful communication teaches your children how to navigate complexity—and how to treat you when you’re the one aging.

3. Develop a Multi-Generational Financial Plan

A great way to tackle and alleviate the financial stress of being in the sandwich generation is to get your hands around the whole problem.

Without a clear financial roadmap, making good trade-offs or spotting trouble ahead is impossible. Use a tool like the Boldin Planner to:

• Consolidate and understand all income, savings, expenses, and debts across generations
• Model “what if” scenarios – like job loss, long-term care, or supporting a child longer than expected
• Set clear priorities: retirement security, debt reduction, emergency reserves, and legacy planning

This kind of clarity gives you agency, even when the demands feel infinite.

4. Understand Priorities and Prepare to Make Trade-offs

When you’re part of the Sandwich Generation, financial planning isn’t just about maximizing growth or minimizing taxes, it’s about managing competing demands with clarity and purpose. You’re constantly weighing what matters most: your parents’ care, your children’s needs, your own retirement, and your day-to-day quality of life.

That means trade-offs aren’t just likely—they’re inevitable. The key is to make them consciously, guided by your values and long-term goals.

Start with clarity

You can’t make smart decisions without a full picture. Use a planning tool or sit down with a financial advisor to answer key questions:

• What are your essential monthly expenses?
• How much are you saving for retirement, and is it on track?
• What are your obligations or expectations for supporting parents or kids—now and in the future?

Laying it all out helps you move from reactive to strategic.

Name your top priorities

Maybe it’s protecting your retirement. Maybe it’s keeping a parent at home as long as possible. Maybe it’s helping a child avoid student debt. Whatever your top priorities are, write them down. They’ll become your compass when tough choices arise.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Protecting your own retirement ought to be your priority. There are loans and government assistance to help with everything else, but there is no backstop for your retirement!

Expect to make difficult choices

It may not be possible to do everything at once. You may need to:

• Delay or scale back college support to stay on track for your own retirement.
• Say no to an expensive long-term care arrangement that would derail your financial stability.
• Prioritize paying off debt before contributing to multiple savings goals.

None of these decisions are easy—but when made deliberately, they help protect your future and reduce financial stress. Use the Boldin Retirement Planner to run “what if” scenarios to help you make more informed choices.

5. Leverage All Available Resources

Many people in the sandwich generation try to do it all themselves, which is unsustainable. Look into:

• Community services (meal delivery, transportation help, adult day care)
• Tax credits or dependent care FSAs for child or elder care
• Long-term care insurance or Medicaid planning for aging parents
• Mental health support, therapy, or caregiver support groups

Sometimes just knowing what’s available can ease the burden considerably.

6. Navigate Sibling Dynamics and Share the Load

One of the most overlooked – but potentially powerful – sources of support when you’re sandwiched between generations is your siblings. Whether you’re an only child carrying everything solo or one of several siblings navigating shared caregiving and financial decisions, the family dynamic around siblings can either be a source of relief—or a major source of tension.

Define roles

It may be useful to define roles and write them down. When caregiving gets complicated, it helps to treat it like a project:

• Document care plans, legal arrangements, and financial responsibilities
• Assign roles (e.g., medical, financial, emotional support, logistics)
• Use shared calendars or digital tools to manage appointments and updates

Honor different strengths

Not everyone can give equally, but almost everyone can contribute something. One sibling may manage finances. Another may provide day-to-day care. A third might step in with respite support, or simply keep spirits high during tough stretches. Validate all contributions—big or small.

7. Use Home Equity to Your Advantage

If you are in the sandwich generation, it’s likely that both you and your aging parents own homes. According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 70.5% of those aged 45-54, 75.7% of those aged 55-64, and 79% of those over 65 own their own homes.

And, your (and your parents’) home isn’t just where life happens – it’s also your largest source of wealth and, often, the biggest ongoing expenses. Understanding how to make housing work for you, rather than against you, can be a game-changer in your financial strategy.

Using your own home equity

If you’ve owned your home for years, you’ve likely built up substantial equity—especially with rising home values in recent decades. This equity can be tapped strategically to:

• Cover caregiving costs (such as in-home help or renovations for an aging parent)
• Refinance or consolidate high-interest debt
• Fund college tuition for your children without draining retirement accounts
• Strengthen your retirement by downsizing and investing the proceeds

But equity is not free money. It must be used wisely, with clear repayment or downsizing strategies in place. Explore tapping home equity options.

Piece together a housing puzzle

When three generations are financially interdependent, it can help to take a whole-family view of housing. Consider:

• Multi-generational living: Combining households can lower total costs, ease caregiving logistics, and build stronger family bonds—if done thoughtfully with boundaries and space.
• House hacking: Renting part of your home (e.g., an ADU or basement) can provide monthly income to offset caregiving or housing expenses.
• Reverse mortgage strategies: For aging parents who are house-rich but cash-poor, a reverse mortgage can unlock funds for care—without forcing an immediate home sale. Just make sure the family understands the long-term implications.

Selling the family home

Emotionally, selling your parents’ home may be difficult, but maintaining a large, expensive property can become a financial drain. At some point, the questions must be asked:

• Should you or your parents downsize?
• Who will inherit or live in the home, and do they want to?
• Is there a better way to use this asset to support family well-being and long-term financial stability?

These aren’t easy conversations, but they’re essential. A home is more than shelter—it’s leverage. Used wisely, it can relieve financial pressure, create options, and support multiple generations at once.

8. Revisit Plans and Adjust as Necessary

Your priorities will shift as your parents age, your kids grow up, and your own circumstances evolve. Reassess regularly—at least once a year or after major life changes. A flexible, living plan is more valuable than a perfect one-time blueprint.

Trade-offs are hard, especially when they involve people you love. But facing them head-on—with a clear head and an open heart—puts you back in control. It ensures your actions are aligned with your values, and that you’re not just reacting to life’s demands, but shaping them with intention.

Happy Mothers’ Day to the People Who Keep Doing it All for Everyone

You thought diapers were hard? Being part of the Sandwich Generation is one of the most demanding roles you’ll ever take on. You’re caring upward and downward, often while trying to hold your own life together in the middle. The emotional, financial, and logistical pressures are real – and yet, you show up every day with resilience, love, and grit.

But you don’t have to carry it all alone. The key to navigating this chapter isn’t perfection – it’s clarity, communication, and conscious planning. When you understand your priorities, make smart trade-offs, tap into your resources, and talk openly with family members, you build a support system that extends beyond just yourself.

So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a breath – and take the next step. Whether it’s running a financial plan, setting a boundary, or simply asking for help, every small move toward stability matters. You are not just sandwiched. You are strong, strategic, and setting the foundation for a more secure future for everyone in your care, including yourself.

Updated: May 2025