Retirement for Couples: 10 Essential Planning Conversations for a Happily Ever After

Retirement for couples isn’t just about financial planning—it’s about building a future together that balances shared dreams, individual goals, and a secure lifestyle. And, conversations around big life transitions are important:

• Before you got married, you discussed where you wanted to live, whether or not you would have kids, and your general hopes for the future.
• Before you bought a house, you and your spouse talked about where would be best, what size home you hoped to acquire, and more.
• Before you had kids, you hopefully discussed discipline philosophies, educational goals, and roles and responsibilities for raising them.
• And, as you enter retirement, you need to talk about the financial, emotional, social, and structural details of your future life.

Not Enough Couples Talk About Retirement

In too many relationships the planning (especially the financial planning) is the responsibility of only one half of the pair. And, a survey by Fidelity Investments found that disagreements on retirement goals are common. About 50% of couples report being misaligned about when to retire and how much savings are needed. Couples also often disagree about investment risk and how much spending is prudent.

The good news? While there is an awful lot to discuss and conversations about money can be extremely difficult subjects, couples who communicate well are more likely to:

• Expect to live a comfortable lifestyle in retirement
• Rate their household’s financial health as excellent or very good
• Say that money is not their greatest relationship challenge

Couples Retirement Planning: Ten Essential Conversations

Here are ten discussions you should have with your spouse before you retire. Let’s start with what should be an easy one:

1. What are the ground rules for discussing retirement plans?

Retirement involves money and money can be emotional. So, before discussing any of the details of your retirement plans, agree on the ground rules for healthy communication.

Tips for getting started: Here are six tips for having financial conversations:

• Pick the right time and place for the conversation. Choose a calm setting where you both feel comfortable and aren’t rushed.
• Set common goals, always return to where you agree
• Practice active listening (repeat back what you hear to confirm understanding)
• Ask questions to gain a better understanding of what your partner is trying to say
• Take breaks if needed
• Acknowledge your partner’s feelings. Validate emotions before jumping to solutions.

2. Align your vision for retirement

Many people don’t discuss or even think about their own long-term goals and aspirations, let alone what their spouse might want to do.

However, it is good to think about what you really want out of this time of your life. Sit down, share, and then prioritize what you want as a couple. What does retirement look like for each of you? Do you envision traveling the world, volunteering, or settling into a quiet routine at home? It’s common for couples to have different expectations, so discussing your individual visions and finding common ground is essential.

Not sure what you want? Here are a few resources to help you figure it out:

• Get inspired by amazing accomplishments by older retirees and even more amazing accomplishments by older retirees.
• Retirement travel: tips for funding your wanderlust.
• Do you need a retirement coach?
• Write a retirement manifesto.
• 120 Ideas for what to do in retirement.

Conversation Starter: What are three things you each want to experience in retirement? How can you support each other’s dreams?

3. When do each of you want to retire and what scares you about the event?

Less than 20% of all couples stop working in the same year. However, you both need to be on board with the financial strains that retirement may cause, never mind the social stress of more time together.

“Research shows that marital stress increases during the initial two years of retirement, especially when the husband retires first. Jobs, like kids, can be buffers in a relationship. Once the structure of work is gone, unresolved issues rise to the surface,” said Stephanie Coontz, a social historian, to AARP.

While the difficulties of mismatched free time can not be easily addressed, you can prepare for them if you’ve discussed your retirement date and are in agreement with your overall plans.

Conversation Starter: What concerns or expectations do you have about how this will impact our daily life and relationship?

4. Where do you want to live?

Have you ever dreamed of living in a shack on the beach? Closer to grandchildren? In an apartment in the big city? Anywhere else than where you are now? Maybe you want to stay put. Does your partner know about these dreams?

Retirement is a really unique opportunity to uproot your life and live the way you have always wanted. And, because housing is typically the biggest expense for most families, relocating can have a huge impact on your overall finances.

Conversation Starter: If we could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? What practical factors—like cost, family, or lifestyle—should we consider?

Discuss your goals and figure out what each of you want. Then, try out different housing scenarios — downsizing, up sizing, getting a reverse mortgage, and more — in the Boldin Retirement Planner.

5. What roles and responsibilities do you want if a long term care event happens?

No one wants to think about — let alone discuss — the possibility of a long-term care event.

However, the reality is that one of you is likely to experience an event like a stroke, diabetes, or plain old age that will require you to need help with your care. Forty-two percent of people over the age of 65 require or will require long-term care and neither Medicare nor Medicare supplemental insurance cover the costs of these services — neither in your own home nor in a nursing facility.

Without a clear plan in place, the burden of your care will fall on your spouse. Though many individuals consider it an honor to tend to their loved one, you might want to clarify each of your thoughts on this subject and budget appropriately. Can you afford assisted living or in-home assistance? Furthermore, what happens to the remaining spouse after one of you has passed. What is the plan for the surviving partner?

Checklist:

• Do you have an updated health plan? Have you assigned a medical proxy? Do each of you have and understand each others’ Advance Directives? Advance directives are documents — usually a living will and a medical power of attorney — that define how you want to be cared for if you become incapacitated.
• What are your preferences for long-term care or assisted living if needed?
• How can you support each other’s fitness and wellness goals?
• Explore 10 alternatives to long-term care insurance

6. What are your financial values and approaches to risk?

As part of your overall retirement financial planning, you will need to agree on some ground rules and values that will govern your retirement finances.

“Even in the best relationships, money can stir up intense feelings that complicate the retirement decision,” says Dorian Mintzer, coauthor of The Couple’s Retirement Puzzle.

Values

Each of you may have had different upbringings and experiences that shape your relationship to money, risk, planning and other topics that play into how you manage your finances.

You may be able to have more productive conversations with your spouse if you understand your own financial values and experiences as well as theirs.

• Understand yourself and discuss it with your partner: It might be interesting for each of you to determine your money personality type and discuss how your different approaches can be complement each other. Or, explore these questions that will enable you to explore your financial values and gain a deeper understanding of why your partner thinks the way they do.

Investment risk

Some people are willing to take more risk with their money than others. As a couple, you’ll need to agree about how much — if anything — you are willing to potentially lose.

• Conversation Starters: Do you want to guarantee adequate retirement income through something like annuities? Or are you willing to hope that nothing happens to the financial markets that would cause you to live below your desired lifestyle? Is a bucket approach right for you? How much money do you want to keep in cash so you don’t need to tap investments in a down market?

Debt

There are lots of people who simply would never quit working while they still have debt. What do you do if your spouse is one of those people and you are not?

• Run Scenarios: If you disagree about debt, try the scenario comparison tool in the Boldin Planner. It could help align your thinking on the pros and cons.

Plans for the unexpected

How much of a cushion do each of you want to build into your plans for unexpected expenses or surprise financial developments?

• Conversation Starter: Do you want a plan that accounts for everything that could go wrong? How do you want to handle risk?

Sticking to a budget

When you were working, your monthly spending could flow more freely than it can in retirement. Depending on your finances, you may need to adhere to a strict budget. Some people are naturally good at this, others take a more freestyle approach to spending. If you and your partner are not of the same budgeting style, it can get tricky and stressful.

Establishing ground rules: If one of you is a free spender and the other watches the budget like a hawk, you may need to establish some guidelines for each of you:

• Create a “Yours, Mine, and Ours” Budget – Allocate a portion of income for shared expenses, separate discretionary spending for each partner, and savings, so both feel financially empowered.
• Agree on Spending Limits – Set a threshold for unplanned expenses (e.g., anything over $200 requires a joint decision) to prevent conflict while maintaining flexibility.
• Automate Savings & Bills – Ensuring that key financial obligations (mortgage, retirement savings, emergency fund) are met first allows the free spender to enjoy guilt-free spending within limits.
• Compromise on Lifestyle Choices – If one partner loves frequent dining out while the other prefers saving, agree on a balance—perhaps a set number of meals out per month within a reasonable budget.

7. How Often Will You Revisit and Update Your Plans?

The economy is always in flux. Hardly a day goes by without a disturbing headline about the stock market, inflation, taxes, healthcare costs, the collapse of Social Security and more. Never mind how your own personal situation will evolve.

• Set a Shared Financial Planning Routine: It is important for couples to sit down periodically, quarterly at least, to discuss and update your overall retirement and estate plans and make necessary adjustments. The Boldin Planner is the ideal tool to use for these conversations.

8. Is Your Plan Adequate for the Longest Living Spouse?

It is not enough to plan to have enough money to support your desired lifestyle for as long as you live. You need to make sure the surviving spouse will be comfortable after you have passed away.

Depending on how you arrange your finances, the death of a spouse can have dramatic implications for the survivor, particularly with regards to income.

• Conversation starter: It is a good idea for each of you to determine your expected longevity and ensure that your financial plan is adequate for both of your life spans. Here are the top 10 life expectancy calculators. Use the Boldin Planner to review how income changes after the death of a spouse.

9. Are You Aligned on Your Estate Plan?

A retirement plan is not all that you need. You also need to forge a mutually agreed upon estate plan.

• If you are wealthy enough, you need to agree about what you will leave behind and to whom? It is not uncommon for one partner to have made promises that the other is not aware of. Retirement is a good time to get on the same page.
• Will you be each others’ financial power of attorney? Or, will you assign one outside person to serve for each of you?
• Have you documented all of the details of your life that your spouse will need if you are incapacitated or have passed away? Think about:
  • Funeral wishes
  • All of the numbers and passwords for all of your accounts — mortgage, brokerage, banking, insurance, etc.
  • Location of official papers like Social Security cards, marriage certificates, etc.
  • A list of all of your medications and doctors
  • Your address book of friends and family
• Make sure all of your beneficiary designations are up to date.

10. Retirement for Couples: Discuss Your Overall Retirement Financial Plan

A study from Hearts & Wallets reports that only 35% of couples actively engage in retirement planning together. This is unfortunate since money issues are perhaps among the most important to figure out. Terri Orbuch, the author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great, told Money Magazine, “Money disagreements are the most distressing and the most likely to persist unsolved.”

Money issues become even more critical when you retire and are living off of a fixed set of resources for 20–30 years. After you have discussed what each of you wants out of this time of your life, you will really need to dig into the details to see if your finances make what each of you want at all possible.

Conversation Starter: The Boldin Retirement Planner makes it easy to sit down and go through your plan together. Run different “what if” scenarios for:

• Retirement dates
• Lifestyle considerations
• Relocation
• Social Security start dates
• How much do you want to spend and how will that change over time?
• What kinds of savings each of you have?
• Do you have life insurance?
• What kind of health insurance?
• How much debt do you want to carry into retirement
• How do you want to be invested
• The list goes on and on

Looking at your options together is a great way to facilitate a meaningful discussion in an organized and unemotional way. Use the Boldin Retirement Planner to go through every detail of your financial situation today and how it will evolve over the rest of your lifetime.

Your Happily Ever After is Within Reach if You Have a Plan

A fulfilling retirement as a couple isn’t just about saving enough money—it’s about creating a shared vision, aligning financial habits, and maintaining open communication. By setting clear goals, finding compromises that respect both partners’ spending styles, and regularly revisiting your plan, you can build a future that balances security with enjoyment. Retirement is a new chapter, and with a thoughtful approach, you and your spouse can step into it with confidence, knowing you’ve laid the groundwork for a life that’s both financially stable and deeply fulfilling.

Updated: February, 2025